Title: Thoughts of Past and Future
Today, I am going to talk to you about how past experiences and the beliefs we hold because of them and how exaggerated worries about the future contribute to faulty reactions in the present.
You need to know this because misinterpreting your current experience can result in you having overblown reactions which are harmful to the situation.
Human beings learn from experience and they interpret it, which is a higher level of thinking unique to humans. It means we can learn more and apply that learning to different situations in creative ways. Our brains take in information every second, sort that information, categorize it, and store it in memory. Incidents associated with strong emotion are more likely to be stored in memory. As time goes on, we use our learning from past experience to help us interpret and react to similar situations. This can be very helpful in many ways, but it can also bring an interpretation into a current situation that isn’t accurate for that situation.
Point one:
Our bias affects our reaction in the current moment. We categorize information which helps us quickly understand a situation and decide how to react. This is designed to protect us from danger. An example would be, if a mountain lion came at us from a certain rock, our adrenaline would kick in to help us escape, and that rock location would be stored in memory for us to avoid. Another could be if someone looked at us in a certain way or moved in a certain way and then physically attacked us. We would be highly cautious in the future if we saw a similar look or movement. Our current reaction can come from learning that is stored unconsciously. The problem that comes about is when we interpret a current situation incorrectly or we have an emotional reaction based on past experience that doesn’t actually fit the current situation. In dating, for example, it often happens that someone has had a bad experience with a past partner and then reacts to the new dating partner based on that past experience. The new partner finds themselves saying “Hey, I am not your ex!”
Point Two:
Stereotypes are mistakes in thinking which are too general and unfairly get applied to innocent people. People develop broad beliefs about various types of people. It is part of the us vs. them bias which again serves a purpose in safety. People are safer with their own tribe and may be threatened or harmed by outsiders. Unfortunately, this way of thinking also can result in someone being automatically rejected and mistreated when they haven’t even done any harm. Here are some examples. A man has a woman lie to him and he determines that all women are liars and manipulators. A woman has a man cheat on her and she determines that men always cheat. These ways of thinking can cause people to miss out on what could be a better experience if they would allow it.
Point Three:
Another type of thinking that we may need to learn to set aside is our thoughts about the future. Being able to think about and plan for the future is a uniquely human ability. It is a great benefit to us to be able to prepare for the future. The problem comes when our predictions are too extreme and don’t allow for considering other possibilities. We worry about how things might turn out and we tend to think the worst. We think, “What if this?” or “What if that?” and we get ourselves worked up about something that hasn’t happened yet and probably won’t happen. We believe that we will fail or we won’t be able to handle what comes about. All of these ways of thinking make a situation harder to bear. Even a bad situation is easier to deal with as it is, rather than if we compound the distress with our thoughts. Our reactions will be more appropriate to the situation if we interpret it as it is.
Summary:
The point of all of this is that, sometimes, we need to put our thoughts from the past, our interpretations and beliefs, or our worries about the future aside in order to not have an emotional overreaction to a current situation. We need to get better at assessing a moment objectively, considering the current facts or evidence. We reserve judgement and find out more information.
Going forward, try to notice how often you make snap judgements. Ask yourself, “How do I know this is true? What is the evidence? Consider if you need to gather more evidence, ask for clarification. Ask if there might be other reasons or possible explanations. Remember that the current situation is never exactly the same as another. If you have the time, take the time to fully understand.
Until next time, you can check out my website at www.ldonreed.com
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